My Aunt Is Hot

Ok, Now for a real update.

Let no one ever speak ill of Senior year. It’s done nothing but good things for me. Except for the few bad things. Damn you.

This time of year does wonderful things for me. It puts me in a chipper mood…almost all the time. Sure, I get hung up about something or other every once in a while, however I’m feeling pretty fine right now. I jump out of my house every day, arms open and proclaim “Yes, I am the greatest villain of all time!”

I’m always well rested. I’m always happy to be going to school! Since I started Plan: Get the hell out with as little exposure as possible. I’ve been fantastic. And to say the least, it’s working out pretty damn good. Recently, I won a poetry slam. …Who knew I did poetry?! Not me. Apparently I’m pretty ok at it. The prize for winning this slam? A large Almond Chocolate Bar. For those unaware, I’m very allergic to nuts.

FNL went up on Wednesday. It went fantastic. To date, It’s the most fun show I’ve ever been in. Partly because I got to play some characters that I really enjoyed, and because it was just a hilarious group of people. Constant laughter. I tried to write as much stuff as possible. A lot of my stuff got in, some wasn’t feasible, some they thought just wasn’t funny. Philisteins.

During FNL, I managed to accomplish a few things. Firstly, I’m furthering Mr. Tenlo’s reign. I managed to graffiti some graffitis (Defacing existing graffitis) with his name. I also managed to identify myself on our daily televised announcements as Steven Tenlo. Furthermore, Steven is even in the FNL program. It’s awesome.

Finally, I spent today at Pine Island, New York. It’s just outside of the New Jersey border. It’s kinda rural. My desintation was a Sod farm to fly my huge airplane. It weighs about 6 pounds, has a 55” wingspan, and fly’s REALLY fast (Think 50mph…) The propeller alone is 14 inches. Here it is just after take off.

Today, I had two flights with this beast. (Though, when it’s flying the only sound is a slight whistle emanating from the imperfections in the airframe.) I had two nearly perfect landings. The landings are especially hard because this thing is SOOO fast and it has to land that way. Essentially, I just kind of fly it near the ground and hope for the best.

All in all, things are good. I have more business than I can handle, and certainly more than my voicemail can handle. (Damn you verizon and your 20 voicemail message limit!) I’m also trying to prepare for prom. Damn you too prom. Up until about a year ago, when people said prom to me, I would think along the lines of E-Prom…. Dorky computer nerd stuff.

Rock on.

-Josh Ziering-

First, a little back story. I’ve been trying to sell this computer for months. I’ve put it up for sale EVERYWHERE and I’ve heard nothing. So the other day… I get an email…

Hello Joshua,

I am interested in buying your dell pc for the sum stated which is $200.Please let me know if it is still available for sale.Expecting your prompt response.

Regards,

Samuel.

I was REAL excited. I was like Yeahhhhhhh, Finally gonna sell this thing and buy me some airplane parts. However, the plot thickened when I told him it was still for sale.

It is still available. And I’m more than happy to sell it. Your timing couldn’t have been better. What is your location?

I figured if he could pick this freaking behemoth of a computer up from me, it would just sweeten the deal. I received this…

Hello Josh,

I am presently out of the states on business but I am happy that the system is still available.I would like to make payment out to you soonest.I will be expecting your full name as it should appear on the cashier’s check as well s the address to which the payment is to be sent out to you.Please get back to me ASAP so that the payment can be issued out to you as my associate says that he is waiting for your approval before the payment is issued.He will be sending you payment being owed me for the sum of $800.You are to deduct your money for the item and wire the balance to me via western union  money transfer.Expecting your prompt response.

Regards,

Samuel.

CASHIERS CHECKS?! MONEY TRANSFERS?! OUT OF THE COUNTRY?! You must be kidding. When I saw the word ‘associate’ I totally had my scam alarm go off. I would normally have let it go, but I am FIERY pissed. Nobody tries to grift me out of 600 dollars. The game begins… I first tell him this all sounds very complicated. Then, another email fifteen minutes later informs him I understand, and I want to go forward. How would I do that sir!?

Hello Josh,

You simply cash the payment on receiving it,deduct your money for the dell and wire the balance to me.I will make arrangements to have it picked up from you when my agent is within the area which should be in about 2-3 days after the funds have been received.

I will need your full name as it should appear on the check as well as the address that the payment is to be sent to you.

Please get back to me immediately so that the payment can be made out to you without further delay.

Regards,

Samuel.

Also, note how he is pressuring me. Everything must be done immediately, and promptly. He’s eagerly waiting etc. Remember, I’m the one selling this thing, why is HE so eager? Again, he also mentions the associate here. It’s time to close the deal…

Hi Samuel,

 

That’s really simple! I’m glad we’re trusting each other enough to exchange such large sums of money! What country is it that your are in? I travel overseas from time to time with my job. Actually, I got the Poweredge 2450 from my work.

 

The Name: (I’m having it made out to my roommate, My bank account doesn’t have any money in it, Hence the selling.)

 

Steven Thomas Tenlo

935 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW (<–ADDRESS OF FBI BUILDING)
Washington, D.C. 20535-0001

United States of America

 

 

BTW, Just so your associate knows it’s me, I’ve included a picture of the computer in it’s current condition, as well as me. This way when I meet you (Or is it your associate?) You’ll know it’s me.

 

 

Also, Since E-Mail is admissable evidence, Would you like to tell me your full name and address? I’d really like to speak with you in person.

 

I’ll see you soon =)

 

 

Steven Thomas Tenlo

Director Of Technical Services, FBI

935 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW
Washington, D.C. 20535-0001

United States of America

 

P.S. I really do hope that you were smart enough to at least give me a run for my money, and you never checked your Yahoo! mail from home. I hate a stupid criminal.

I love messing with people. My very first thought was:

BURN! Don’t ever try that crap with me. I will 0wn j00!

If I were a criminal trying to scam someone out of 600 bucks, I’d crap myself when I saw that picture.

-Josh Ziering-