My Aunt Is Hot

Jorge left America yesterday. It feels like just yesterday he came to America and could barely speak english.

The days are starting to meld, one into the other. That’s the official sign that it’s summer. Last night, I went to go see Spiderman 2 at midnight. It was a trip not without incident. So as the lights go down, they start playing previews. And as they are playing these previews, I can’t figure out why they suck so much. They are horrible. Like little kid movie previews. So, then the movie starts, and I see Disney kind of go across the screen… Some part inside me was like: I don’t think Disney made Spiderman. Then this whole other movie starts playing instead of Spiderman. “Around The World In 80 Days” Personally, I’ve never booed at a movie before, but because who ever screwed up was being such a tease, I booed. I booed like hell.

For a 10 dollar movie, they better get it right. Then, before the movie they have the tenacity to put this little commercial about stopping piracy. Nobody wants to pay 10 dollars to view screw ups. Nobody wants to pay 10 dollars in the first place. I’m all for paying the people who make it happen, but let’s do it right. And let’s do it for a reasonable price. Eventually, people will realize that movies are an f’in rip off and start doing other things with their time and money.

On a side note, the seats they have in Morristown are reminiscent of seats you’d find in the cockpit of a fighter jet. I thought that was very cool.

-Joshua Ziering

As I write more and more, I find myself becoming almost obsessed with a ‘chain of events’. I’m finding that as I document things, I’m finding more ‘intersections’ in time. And looking back, I can see how differently my life would have been if I had made a left instead of a right. And sometimes it’s totally out of my control, people ‘merging’ onto the highway of my life. As was the case with Jorge. He leaves today.

It’s from these little collisions in life that I’ve met new people, tried new things, and challenged myself to be better than before. Now, I find myself looking for these little intersections, these little situations where I could put myself down a different path. However, they aren’t things you can see while they are happening. They only exist in retrospect.

The question for me has become, “How can I make sure I’m doing all I can to constantly expand myself?” The answer I’m not sure I know. However, everytime you meet someone new, or try something new, you open yourself up to new experiences. Looking back, some of the smallest decisions have lead to the biggest changes in my life.

The expansion of self only comes from change. Dealing with difference leads to the formulation of new ideas, new thoughts, and new views. It’s for this reason I’m not really nervous to move 3000 miles away in a mere 42 days. Further, the chain becomes broken at that point. I will have no ‘base’ of people from which to expand. I’ll have one link: me. From there, It’s my job to make sure I’m doing everything I can to make sure that I am giving myself as many opportunities for experiences as possible.

Now, As to what I did last ngiht: PARTY! It was Jorge’s last night, so Caitlyn had a party. It was choice. I didn’t take that many pictures, but I did take some.

“Beauty in Chaos”

-Joshua Ziering

I went to my first ever big venue concert tonight with Jorge. It was awesome. Incubus plays some really positive, sometimes politically charged music. I’ve never been to anything like this before, and I had a great time. The light show they put on was unbelievable, and we had great seats. We even managed to get a free train ride there.

After the show we went and got some pizza, and on Jorge’s suggestion, some Wendy’s. On the way to catch our train, these girls started talking to us on the elevator into Penn station. They were from Lawng Island. They actually didn’t talk like that. But I feel justified since they told me I look like a Jersey boy. Somehow or another it came up that I had a website. *Echoes of shameless whoring* So I told them we’ll take a picture, and I’ll put it on there. For those of you who watch Insomniac with Dave Attell, this was very reminiscent. Please note the priceless look on my face.

Even more astounding was the fact that they had a hard time believing my website was actually ‘MyAuntIsHot.com’ I mean, I guess that’s a little far fetched. Personally, I’d be leary if some girl told me she was going to put me on her website. I’m not terribly photogenic, the last thing I need is some picture of me floating around the internet for all the Long Island girls to look at. Ugh! =)

A great night.

-Joshua Ziering

I got a call from Uncle Ian today. He told me that Robbie Knievel was going to be jumping a whole bunch of police cars on Route 10. Motorcycles? Dare devils? Police? I was all about it. Even better, Uncle Ian had made some special arrangements so we could get into the VIP area.

I tried my best to get there early, but we still got there at 7, which is when it supposedly started. I tried my damndest to get me and Josh into the VIP, but everyone I asked couldn’t manage to tell us anything about where it was and how we would get there. After much trying and asking, and throwing around my last name more than I like, we conceeded defeat and tookup a great spot right by Robbie’s trailer.

About 7:30, he came out and started doing some awesome stuff. He was doing wheelies that were damn near vertical….while going ridiculously fast. I was very impressed. After a whole bunch of really cool practice runs, he made the jump. All I can say is … Wow. It was very cool.

Afterwards, I thought I was going to be able to get a picture with him, but unlike DMX, their were tons of people around him. I gave up on that. However while walking out, I managed to have Josh Symonds run interference for me and distract a cop so I could get a couple of pictures from atop the landing ramp. Josh did an amazing job, and I got an awesome picture. Overall, this was an amazing event. However, the contingent of people that attend such a thing, are …interesting. I’d say their was a strong ‘South Jersey’ showing. I saw a lot of mullets. Go mullets!

-Joshua Ziering

I decided to start a-new. Now that the ‘high school saga’ of my life is over, I thought it fitting to start a new chapter on my site as well. The old page is in the archives. I’ll do highlights in another post. Right now, I have to write this all down before I forget it.

Last night, I got this call from Ben Herman in Montclair that they were all going to go to this waterfall. Since everyone else was at midnight madness, I figured what the hell, I’ll go too. I called up Jorge and we went. The directions I got from Ben … were less than lucid. So after finding the parking lot we were looking for (About 50 feet beyond the overpass on the S turns on south orange ave going towards Newark) We started walking. Now for whatever reason, Jorge and I didn’t really put too much forethought into this whole adventure. The only thing I thought of was bug spray. So, with no flashlights, no REAL directions we start walking into the forest. And since their was no real moon to speak of, it was kind of slow going.

After about 20 minutes (Remember, this was a ‘10 minute walk’) we started getting worried. With no real bearing on where we were, things were deteriorating quickly. I put in several frantic calls to Ben. At this point I was getting really worried. He had no idea where we were when I started telling him landmarks we saw on the way in. So, I came up with a brilliant idea. I figured, “How big could the reservation really be?!” so I said to Ben listen carefully. Both Jorge and I yelled as loud as possible. … They heard nothing. That was a scary freakin’ prospect. When I asked them to all yell, we heard the faintest ‘whoo’ echoing between the hills.

So we turned back. After about 10 minutes, we saw someone with a flashlight! They came searching for us when they heard how lost we were. We spent the rest of the night at the waterfall. What an awesome place to hangout! I’m sad I didn’t know about this sooner.

After the waterfall we went back to Lianna’s house. I got a ticket because I was parked there at 4 o’clock in the morning. If I were rich and cheap, I’d fight it on the basis that it’s unconstitutional under the commerce clause. Alas, I’ll be 23 dollars poorer in the next couple weeks.

-Joshua Ziering

I don’t know how to title this post. I don’t even know how to feel about it right now. However, I think I have a good way to summarize my feelings of the day. I found a picture I took to be particularly inspiring, and more importantly indicative of my time in Columbia High School.

Ok, in the past 24 hours.

1) Successful completion of “Operation: Red Fox” (The Senior Prank) Pictures and commentary to follow.

2) Successful completion of high school.

3) I guess my beta testing/error reporting for Gmail made someone REALLY happy because they dropped 6 invitations in my lap. I’ve never seen anyone get 6 invites in one shot ever. Awesome.

-Joshua Ziering

Ok, 12 hours after prom is over, I’m ready to tell it’s story. The battle is still raging apparently as my sister came into my room and said “How do you spell Amy’s last name?! Julie says that Jorge didn’t come home last night” …

Pre-prom was a little ridiculous. My Dad and I argued for a while whether or not James bond would wear a vest. After careful consideration of the mental damage this would cause for the next 10 years if I didn’t wear the vest, I wore the vest. My dad insisted on taking some lame pictures of me in the back yard. Suddenly he felt like he was a professional photographer. “Why don’t you lean against the tree?” It’s bad enough I had to be in that hot tuxedo with my family. It made me particularly venemous.

Having previously dropped off my car at Kmart in West Orange, I took the truck to Magda’s house. There, we took more pictures. Finally, we all came back to my house and went to Anna’s house. This was quite possibly the most obnoxious event I have ever attended. Imagine a pretend papparazzi of parents. Imagine obnoxious ass photos. “Ok now all the boys, Ok now all the girls. Ok, now boys with girls…. ok, Now again” This all while a HUGE FUCKING Expedition was in front of her house. The stretched Hummer had the air conditioning broken. What a shame.

When we finally got into the car, Ashley, Magda, Jamal and I all sat in the back. Their was like a little section for like handicapped people or something. I figured…I qualify on the basis of craziness. So we sat there for the little ride to West Orange. In true gangster fashion we turned up the stereo (Nearly blowing me away) and rolled up into the prom bass blaring.

Prom was awesome. I ate, I drank, I danced. Yeah I know. I danced. I had a true revelation. I will never see these people again, ever. So I danced. And danced. And danced some more. And I thought to myself, “Why was this such a big deal before?”

The DJ at the prom was classy as hell. He had the dance floor shaking … literally. The chandeliers too. I don’t think Mayfair farms knew how bad ass of a school we were. I knew though. My favorite part asked: “Are their any Hatians in the house?!” To which an uproarious yell went up, from a staggering number of people. Not only that, but they were throwing up gang signs. Go gangs! I was saddened, just a little, he didn’t ask “Are their any white people in the house?!” Or “Are their any Jews in the house!?” or “Can I get a holla from my atheist brothers?!” It’s not a big deal though. I was happy to identify as a bad ass hatian gang member.

Desert was one of the best parts of prom. Since I have an allergy to nuts, I can’t eat cakes and cookies and stuff from places like Mayfair farms because I have no idea what’s in it or if it was made with/near nuts. I wasn’t worried. They had: A chocolate fountain. Yes, that’s right, a fountain, of chocolate that you could put fruit into. It was awesome. AWESOME.

I left prom shortly after they played some song that made everyone go absolutely CRAZY, and it felt like an earthquake. Clearly, at that point, I was out of my element. My ethnic dancing range goes somewhere from just above Havah Nagilah to just below “I’m going to beat this bitch with a bat.” (I heard that in a song at some point last night.)

After prom we went to the city. Specificially to the comedy cellar. I drove, for the first time to the city. I don’t know if I’ll ever do it again. We made it in record time to the Holland Tunnel. There, we spent an hour. Just waiting. Only one lane was open. I now understand road rage. On the way we saw a limo from CHS waiting just like we were. At least we weren’t the only one.

Once we finally got to the place, I saw some of the raunchiest comedy I’ve ever seen in my entire life. I laughed my ass off, but sometimes only in shock. I knew we were TOTALLY going to be blown away when we walked in and the VERY first thing I heard was “Who here has slept with a homeless guy?” It was a hilarious half hour. (I do wish though, that we had gotten there sooner to see Jim Florentine.)

So, after the club we walked back to the car and started driving, not fully knowing where we were going. Apparently, you can’t just reverse mapquest directions in the city. But then, We saw the limo that we saw going into the Holland Tunnel with us! Yes! So we start following it. Turns out they were gong to “Yaffa Cafe” Doh! I asked the guy how to get back to the tunnel, and he gave me good directions. It all worked out. Once we were back in Jersey, we went to get food at the Broadway Diner in Summit. It was really good.

And that was prom. It was awesome.

-Joshua Ziering

I went to the flower store yesterday to buy a corsage for my prom date, Magda. I don’t know if I can effectively convey how I felt inside that store, but I can try. First, let me illustrate my knowledge of flowers: They are pretty. Often times, they smell nice. Roses are red. Flowers happen in the spring time.

Ok, armed with that knowledge I went into that flower store. As I was walking in, these people in the back were arguing really LOUD. I don’t know what they were arguing about in a flower store. Flowers fix fights, not cause them. Anyhow, I asked the lady to buy a corsage. And so it began… She was like, Would you like a corsage or a wristlet? I asked her … what’s the difference. She pointed at her wrist, said some words, and then pointed at her chest, said some more words and then asked, So what do you want? I told her just give me what every other clueless guy has been getting there prom date. “So a wristlet it is!” Then she starts in with the colors. Not only did she confuse me with colors, but she started listing the kinds of flowers that come in that color. Ugh.

It was a trying 4 minutes, but I walked out of that flower store twenty five dollars lighter and with a receipt for a corsage….rather, a wristlet.

So as to how I felt inside that store, I think I can sum it up in one horribly uncomfortable situation:

A kosher Jewish woman, lost, unknowingly wanders into the Nude Homosexual Christian Butchers and Non-monagamous Arabic Cheese Farmers convention.

-Joshua Ziering

I just got home from Graduation rehearsal. What a terrible experience. A whole auditorium full of people who don’t want to be there, have nothing to lose by being idiots, and are generally annoying. No wonder people hate teenagers. I hate them too.

I haven’t been sleeping like a regular person (Look at some of the blog entry times) so … I’m not quite sure whether I should be sleeping, or up, or whatever. Right now I feel like it’s the middle of the night for me. It’s a shame too, the weather is a fab 80 degrees and their is ZERO wind. I’m almost too tired to drive. Which means I’m way too tired to fly model planes. This must sound terrible, but it’s true. Driving is hard, but not as hard as airplanes. Consider thinking in 3 Axis with 4 proportional controls. Cars are stop and go … airplanes are a little rudder with full aileron deflection and down elevator with variable throttle…. all while keeping an eye on the impending stall.

-Joshua Ziering