Who Is My Aunt? Why Is She Hot?
Let me start, as most story tellers do, at the beginning. I was a mere 11 years old. I had heard through the family that my Uncle, Ian Ziering, had a new girlfriend. Shortly after, We went to visit him in California. I met this new mystery woman. She seemed nice enough. She was nice to me. I had no reason not to like her.
It was some months after that I learned my Uncle proposed, and they were to be wed. I was excited. I had never been to a wedding before, much less one at the Beverly Hills Hotel in fabulous downtown L.A. Unfortunately, with the good comes the bad. The wedding was scheduled for my all time favorite holiday: Independance Day. I hadn’t missed a Fourth of July in memory yet, and I was not pleased to be missing one for some sissy wedding.
Not long after being devastated by having to miss the Fourth of July, I found out that my aunt to be had ambitions to pose nude for Playboy. This, did not please my family, but like a good family, nobody said anything. Who were we to come between love, and millions of sketchy readers seeing “Nikki Ziering Nude” across the cover of their ill-begotten filth.
Time passed, and the next thing I knew, I was in Los Angelos at the rehearsal dinner. It was after dinner I noticed, what I would classify as a commotion among the generally serene older population. Apparently, someone had gleamed a pre-release copy of the magazine, and as the older male population in my family passed this gem around, commenting on how ‘Tasteful’, and ‘Tame’ it was, I knew I was in big trouble. Being only 12, they refused to let me see this piece of paraphenalia, but I had a pretty good idea what was going on inside the book when the cover was adorned with my Aunt to be wearing leathers and sitting on a Harley Davidson Motorcycle.
The wedding went off uneventfully, and we returned home. In the next few months, I was going to have my Bar-Mitzvah (stupidest thing ever) and I had invited my Uncle, and my Aunt. Unfortunately, being that everyone in the Seventh grade was desperately looking for any opportunity to see any kind of female form, kids often stooped to intercepting their Dad’s Playboy’s before they got them. You can imagine the response when someone put two and two together and figured out that Nikki Schieler Ziering was going to be in my family, and at my Bar-Mitzvah. Relentless torture is the only way to describe it really. “Ziering, I saw your aunt Naked” “Ziering, Your aunt is totally hot man” “Yo, Josh, I saw your aunt, she’s freakin hot!” and the best was from my science teacher at the time who upon discovering this asked about my uncle, and then said “Say hi to his wife for me”. Their were no limits, and certainly no civility. This all came to a stunning crescendo at my Bar-Mitzvah when like a sea, my friends parted. The boys, to my Aunt, the girls, to my Uncle. I understand they didn’t mean for this to happen, and for the most part, it was beyond their control. However, it did suck to feel like perhaps I wasn’t the REAL reason people were there.
In February 2002, My Aunt and Uncle filed for a divorce citing none other than irreconcilable differences. I don’t fault either of them for it, I’d rather my Uncle be happy. Unfortunately, After they divorced, my now estranged Aunt kept MY NAME. For all intensive purposes, she should have returned to Nikki Schieler. But no. No. No! She dropped Schieler all together and kept MY NAME. Now, a simple Google search for Ziering is smitten with Porno, naked pics, and ads for American Pie. It’s a travesty. When I decided that I wanted to upgrade my Blog to a real website, the choice was obviously clear:
www.MyAuntIsHot.com - Because Ziering on Google doesn’t have to be porno.
hahaha…is this really true? Love it! No offense, but I couldn’t stand your uncle during his 90210 days. Maybe it was just his character…or the fact that he looked 30 and was playing a teenager!?
But I must say, I really like him on DWTS. He seems like a fairly good guy with a good personality. Then again, “good guys” don’t usually marry Playboy sluts…soooooo…maybe I’m wrong. I dunno. But cute idea for a blog!
Comment by Papa Razzi — April 10, 2007 @ 11:38 pm
Funny story.
Who knew? Unlike the last commenter, I loved 90210 and loved all of the cast. I was hardcore, never missing it.
As for the passing around the magazine and you were too young to see? hahaha..my son is 13, so I can feel your point of view. I wouldn’t let him see either.
Sorry your name is associated with porn and stuff…but hey, now you’ve told your side of it!
She’s hot…and playboy, hey, could be worse…there are some nasty mags out there…who hasn’t looked through a playboy before?
Comment by Deb — July 6, 2007 @ 5:25 am
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Funny story, however, I think you are young and are under the impression that women are second class. A woman should be able to pose as naked as say someone like Brad Pitt did and it should be PG just like Brad Pitts pics…However, we live in a world where woman have to be labeled “R” or “X” for the same things men get away with. The naked human body is an art form. Nikki happens to have a beauty that is in the 99% of all people. Nothing wrong with that. I think she probably found it quite liberating to pose NAKED for a magazine that gets over 8000 submissions per month. After all, she was the one out of 8000….Not bad..
I’m sure people who would judge her for posing are the same people who are either unattractive, over weight, or still living in a world where woman are second class.
Furthermore, when she married your uncle they both decided she would take his name. Is she suppose to drop it now that they are divorced? After she has built up her credits in the film industry, and TV? Just drop her name for the last 10 years cause some MAN doesn’t want her anymore?
And, if you look up any famous attractive female including Cindy Crawford and Julie Roberts you will find PORN on google under their names. It’s what Porn sites do to get traffic.
If you are so yucked out by having a gorgeous Aunt who has been in movies, TV and Playboy, then why don’t you change your name since you are the only one who seems to have a problem with it. Or maybe you are jealous cause you can’t get the fame your Aunt and Uncle worked so hard for?
Whatever it may be, there are worst things in the world. Hopefully no one in your family married Jenna Jameson considering she is a real porn star.
Comment by SoWhat — August 11, 2007 @ 7:31 am
SoWhat,
You bring up some excellent points in your letter. However, your whole argument has critical flaws that tell me all about you. Let’s examine:
1) You start off your post with a compliment, then get to right to criticizing what you’ve interpreted as my view points. All of this under the guise of what you think: I’m young and consider women second class. Your condescending tone tells me you probably sit behind a desk for a living.
2) You use numbers to reinforce your pathos based logic. “She probably found it quite liberating to pose NAKED for a magazine that gets over 8000 submissions per month” Who cares if it was 10 billions submissions? What does that have to do with liberation? And please, enlighten me, How the FUCK do you know how she feels?
3) You write your whole post like a feminist. I’m honestly shocked you’re not a woman. Who capitalizes man or naked like that? Who compares C-list playboy model to Brad Pitt? Do you like to drink Seabreezes with umbrellas in bath houses?
4) Two words: “Yucked Out”. When you were typing that, did you stop and put your hands on either side of your face while curling your first two fingers? Try appalled, upset, ashamed, indignant, frustrated, or sickened next time.
5) How do you know I’m the only one who has a problem with her having my name? Are you basing that on the fact that my dad doesn’t have a website called MySisterInLawIsHot.com?
6) I am jealous of my Aunt and Uncle. I’d love to be on dancing with the stars! And honestly, who wouldn’t want to get painted in gold body paint and rub all over Mike Meyers for a 2 second shot in Austin Powers 3. Or maybe I should dress in leather and take off my clothes for hot college boy in the third of a series of movies that stopped being entertaining after the first? Yes, that’s just what I want.
To put it gently, you sound like a self-righteous cock sucking cunt bag. I suggest you unplug whatever it is that connects you to the internet so you don’t embarrass yourself this badly again. Your hippy granola bullshit is sickening. If you aren’t gay, you win the award for the single most pussy whipped man I’ve ever had contact with. I’m shocked you can get internet access this far inside your wife’s vagina.
If you are gay, I don’t know how any respectable gay man could fuck a guy who clearly has a hard on for pseudo-famous women so bad that he peruses the internet for respectable erudites who hate them just so he can leave a scathing comment.
As for the second class comment, any chick that appears naked in a magazine to which I can order a subscription is a fucking slut selling out to the highest bidder. I don’t have a problem with the practice as I hate censorship and embrace free speech, but that doesn’t mean I’d want anything to do with one of these girls. Unlike most guys, given the chance to hit it with one of these girls, the only thing they would be spreading is a rumor about how some skinny tall guy said he wouldn’t even fuck them with someone else’s dick and left.
I hope that clears up any confusion you may have conjured up in that little head of yours. Cunt bag.
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Pingback by My Aunt Is Hot » Being Mean, And Feeling Good About It. — August 13, 2007 @ 4:18 pm
I am huge fan of Nikki’s…the Playboy issue she was in as the centerfold in 1997 actually had a dual cover of Pamela Anderson and Jenny McCarthy. The issue that had Nikki on the cover on the motorcycle (I have the poster) was before that. You should be honored to have her share your name, she’s gorgeous!!!!!
Comment by Terri — December 21, 2007 @ 1:52 pm
[...] to enjoy a tale of a boy and his dream to cleanse his family name from internet porn associations. My Aunt Is Hot » Who Is My Aunt? Why Is She Hot? __________________ In my sentences I go where no man has gone before… — George W. [...]
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