My Aunt Is Hot

Is anyone else ridiculously attracted to the girl from the new Death Cab For Cutie video? I’d marriage her ass.

I have such random weaknesses.

And here is the video where she treks around the world all hot like:

Maybe it’s because every year I give this post the same title, but it seems that my birthdays seem to be getting closer and closer together. Like I’m living on Venus where time moves really quickly. However, I notice that my birthdays are getting better and better each year.

This year, I made reservations at my favorite dive bar, Iguana Macks. How can you go wrong attending any establishment with “Mack” in the title? The 3 days prior to my birthday, it rained. It rained all day on my birthday, but luckily just hours before I was to go to my reservation, it magically stopped. It was perfect..well as perfect as it could be, it was still as cold as a mother fucker. I use the term “Cold as mother fucker” in all relativity of course. It is Arizona.

I had 5 or 6 close friends drinking with me. I like to drink Coronas. They’re my all around stand by. However, on special occasions, I like to mix it up. Mix it up I did. My friend John, the only other guy I know in the world with a “boca” (the ability to talk) like mine, insisted that I try “Soco and Lime”. I, after some coaxing, agreed. Our waitress, the quintessential blond, brought us these very brown, very large shots.

“John, These soco shots look and smell an awful lot like Tequila…” I said somewhat suspiciously. Alcohol makes me a skeptic.

As I suspected, even in my somewhat drunk state, they were tequila. We told her she brought us the wrong shot, and she apologized and scampered off to make it right. She brought us back our limey drinks, and we drank them. Much to my chagrin, they were good. Then, a few minutes later she came back with the tequila shots. I kidded with with her, “The bartended didn’t have a funnel to pour them back in the bottle?” She blushed slightly. The kind of blush that made me think she hadn’t thought to try and use a funnel.

These were damn close to triple shots. Served in a cocktail glass, about 1/3 of the way full. I like to use the term “raunchy” to describe them. We cheersed to something drunken but celebratory. Free tequila will have that effect on people. I watched as Brooke, the beautiful 110 pound girl across from me, slammed down her glass in victory, followed by several other. I found myself still drinking, my top lip totally submersed. This was a lot of tequila.

I finished, but felt very sick. I stood up just in case I needed to make a dash somewhere. Shooting tequila is fine. Drinking it like water on a hot day is not. My friends, knowing me very well, knew that I was sick. Apparently I have ‘a look’. Someone, and it’s only because I was trying to not spew that I do not remember, suggested I just “mosy to the bathroom and come back when I feel better”. However, I persevered and totally impressed everyone by sitting down 2 minutes later, totally composed again and drinking a beer. Sometimes, I do feel like a rockstar.

Unfortunately, after that moment, things start to get hazy. They had an awesome wood burning stove that kept everything really cozy. The next morning, our clothes smelled like a campfire. It was a great birthday.

I’m turning 21 in … just a little bit more than 24 hours. Its ridiculous. I’m not 21. I’ve never even had a chance to really use my fake ID. Its gotten me a couple of drinks a couple of places, but I always feel like a spy using a fake passport. Still makes me nervous.

Somehow, there is nothing romantic about using one’s own ID. Nothing romantic about being able to go wherever I want.  Even though I don’t really like drinking that much, I’m kind of excited. I like margaritas. They’re good.

I feel old. What the hell have I been doing since I turned 18? Playing with airplanes? Has it really been three years?

How to celebrate… I thought about having a party… but that seems so bourgouis. I could have parties when I was under 21. This birthday, time to hit the town.

Ah. Scattered thoughts today. Not my normal organized musings.
Joshua Ziering

It’s been a while. Like… 11 Months 22 days. I can’t really say why I stopped writing… Maybe it was working full time? Maybe it was both sleeping full time and working full time. I don’t know. I’ve felt compelled to start writing again. I felt like when I was keeping my blog, exciting, interesting things were happening to me. Since I’ve stopped writing, I can’t think of anything really exciting or interesting.

That’s actually not entirely true. I’ve been given my 15 minutes of fame, and appeared on national network television. I still haven’t written about it.

I’ve been to Vegas, California, Ohio, Oklahoma, and New York. Lots of traveling has transcended. I’ve met all kinds of crazy different people. I’ve gained a lot of perspective in the past year. Enough perspective to know I have to go back to school. Not sure why. Not sure for what, but I start Chandler/Gilbert Community college Jan 15. I turn 21 in a week. So in many way, I’m living the “last days of freedom”. I dont entirely feel that is true, because I think school will enrich my life. It’ll give me direction and purpose. This way I wont end up fixing computers or whoring myself out equally degrading.

Joshua Ziering

My roomates are boring people. That’s it. That’s the down and dirty of it. It’s not that they are not awesome. They are. Their is no one I’d rather go fly planes with. However, when it comes to anything but planes, they lack.

I’m worried they are making me boring with them.

I’ve had some time, while in New Jersey, to take an outside perspective on Arizona. I tried to find some of the reasons why I can have more [non-plane related] fun in NJ in a month then I did in AZ in a whole year. So here is what it boils down to:

• The overwhelming majority of my friends at at least double my age.
• The roomate who I really disliked, moved out. For some reason, that suddenly meant we can’t have parties anymore. Upon further review, it was because everyone coming to the parties were his friends.
• Both of my roomates had girlfriends. (Not that they aren’t fabulous.)
• I was flying all day saturday. I won’t change this. I love flying saturdays, and there is NO WHERE I’d rather be. However, I’m going to be going out on Saturday nights, and partying.
• My room, car, and life, are a mess. It makes it difficult to entertain if you cant walk through your room without stepping on clothes, you’re perpetually late to everything, and can’t manage to focus your attention on anything. That creates problems. Especially when driving.
• My roomates only really hang out with their girl friends, and each other.

So… in light of all this, I decided that despite my floundering social life, it would be a good idea to ‘delay’ college. And I still stand by this decision. I will be taking one night class, and I’m counting on that to at least find me parties to go to. I’m determined to meet as many as people as possible. I refuse to just live in my room, go to work, come home, and go flying. It’s time to be like Ikea: Ünboring.

On a side note, here is a video of me riding a bike into a swimming pool. Hilarious. Me Going In To A Pool On A Bike.

On another side note, here is a prank call I made to a girl about Professional Cheerleading: Prank Call About Professional CheerLeading

Josh

I leave for Arizona again in a little less than an hour. I’m glad I came back to New Jersey. It was worthwhile. It was grounding. It’s home. However, I realized while living here, that I can’t live here. I refuse to be that pathetic kid who lives in his parents basement crusing internet personals. I’ve asked several people to put out a hit for me if I ever show up on a Jewish Singles website. *Shudder*

Like any experience, it’s about the people. The people are what made coming home worth it. I had some amazing times, accented by even more amazing people.

I’ve been torn about where I want to go from here. I hate being torn, because I am probably the worst decision maker in the entire history of the world. I’ll just neglect making a decsion until it becomes the absolute top priority. And by that time, their isn’t that much of a choice. Usually by then it’s just accepting an outcome. I don’t want to decide, and I don’t want to accept an outcome. It’s childish, but fuck, feeling like you chose wrong sucks. Bad.

So, I’ve chosen to delay school. I know I’ll end up back there eventually, but what’s the rush. Obviously, the hope here is that if I play my cards right, returning to school will never be a neccesity.

Josh

I am 19 years old. For the majority of my 19 years of existence, I have been collecting memories. These memories aren’t of the essential kind though. Instead, they parralell survival memories such as “hot things burn you”. These memories are collected purely for posterity. They are little pieces of information about people, events, and myself that I have been carefully storing for later. As to why I have deemed some things more worthy of rememberance than others is unknown to me. The process is subjective, and subconcious.

Recently, I have been considering what it is to remember something. For me, a memory isn’t like a picture. It’s literally a place. Like my bed. Like the seat in my first period english class. In reality, it doesnt exist. However, in my head it exists because I have been there. While it may not literally exist because another person could never visit the same place, it exists in my head because I can visit that place anytime I want. Remembering for me isn’t just recalling things. I can leave wherever I am and visit these places. Sometimes I am reminded of something and instead of leaving, I am taken.

Few of my favorite memories involve just me. Frequently there are other people in these memories. An incarnation of that person lives in that ‘place’. So while this is an event that happened, it really only happened in my mind. Because on the other side of the coin, there is another person who is creating an entirely different place in their head in which they can return. Or perhaps they’re not. Something you decide is important enough to tuck away may be just another segment of monotony for that other person. Or perhaps they’re missing critical elements of the place because of intoxication, or distraction. Being high can certainly take the very couch you were sitting on 20 minutes ago and turn it into a very different place. In esscence, it turns it into a different place.

Any event that’s ever happened to you involving another person has happened twice. Once to you. Once to that other person. Conversely, it’s never happened at all. Because the other person wasn’t in the same place you were. It’s this dichotomy that helps make things like history, witnesses, testimonials, and even recollections of your life particularly frivolous.

The conclusion that I’ve drawn from all of this is that any memory you might have is a solitary creation. You’re the only person that’s ever been to that place, and while their may have been others there with you, they only exist in the sense that you’ve created liknesses of them in your mind.

All this thinking has lead me to one specific point: I’ve started to feel that it’s particularly selfish to remember. Why is it that this very instant is so important to remember? It’s one thing to live in the moment, it’s quite another to save something for the expressed purpose of returning to it later. This is the part I find the most selfish. Instead of remembering something because it had such a profound effect on your life, one starts archiving things to later feed to an ever hungry sense of nostalgia. Something that seems to be an ever increasing problem as one ages. Remembering things in this manner means that you’re expecting to be unhappy at some point. Nostalgia expressly exists for the purpose of recalling a better time. I hope to never be unhappy in that fashion. However I find myself acting selfishly every day. This very site exists for the expressed purpose of being selfish.

Even more problematic than creating ‘nostalgia fodder’ is saving memories you weren’t happy with. The mind is a fantastic machine, and very easily, the line between memory and invention can suddenly become blurred. While your place may exist, nothing stops you from changing it to something you’d have rather happened. Or, constantly changing it to something different, and optimal. This then corrupts a place you have been with a place you’d have rather been. If it changes the smallest thing, the most important part has been lost: the details.
(Writing this particularly upset me)

Josh

Here is a copy of an essay I wrote for Maplewood online about the maplewood south orange school district banning holiday songs.

“A Plea For Neutrality”

I left Columbia High School in June 2004, a diploma holding member of the prestigious Columbia High School alumni. Three months later, I’ve returned to my home state of New Jersey, and my alma mater of Columbia to see it once again shrouded in scandal. It’s good to see that some things never change.

While visiting the school on Wednesday, I bore witness to a crowd of crowing protesters. When I asked a student what they were protesting, she informed me that Columbia no longer permitted the singing religious songs in school. My very first thought was, “People are PROTESTING this?”

Religion is never an easy subject to talk about, much less regulate. I feel the greatest sympathy for those in the school district charged with writing and ultimately defending their policies. I also have the greatest respect for people who feel like our schools are losing their culture. However, I have very strong personal convictions about religion and our schools. I haven’t a modicum of empathy for those who feel their religious beliefs are being persecuted. Our schools have too long been shelters for religious propaganda under the guise of “culture”.

One may ask how “culture” has left us with an emotionally charged situation such as the one we’re facing today. The problem doesn’t lie specifically in culture, but rather its politically correct cousin, “multi-culture.” For years, this buzzword has been thrown around, and for years it’s been used to describe the Maplewood/South Orange school district. And it’s through analysis of this term we can better understand why we have to prevent religious songs from being sung in school.

Instead of opting to use the buzzword multicultural, I’d like to describe our school district as diverse. In 2003-2004 we had about 35% white enrollment, 60% black enrollment, and 5% from all different backgrounds. [ http://hometown.aol.com/njfabian/changing_racial_make.htm ] The religious affiliations are even more varied. Personally, I have met Mormons, Jehovah’s witnesses, Born Again Christians, people of eastern faiths, and Jews in Columbia High School. Every person has culture, regardless of who they are, what they believe, or where they are from. However, it’s wrong to describe Columbia as “multi-cultural”. If you’ve ever been to one of the annual holiday concerts, you’ll know exactly what I mean. Christian related songs dominate the concert. Occasionally the choir will sing something in another language (though, on more than one occasion it’s been a Christmas song), but it’s a rare day you’ll hear a song in Hindi.

The solution, many people feel is to accommodate everyone. Teach the choir Hindi, get the Gospel Choir singing “Dreidel, Dreidel”, and have the band play “Jingle Bell Rock”. Ignore the practical concerns of the moment, and the fact the Jehovah’s Witnesses don’t believe in any sort of holiday practice. Imagine a world where we celebrate everyone’s beliefs. Suddenly we can embody that utopian image of acceptance.

Therein lies the problem: Celebrating everyone’s beliefs requires a compulsory decision. Like the Pledge of allegiance, celebrating anyone’s beliefs requires a decision as to whether or not you agree with their beliefs, and whether or not you’re going to accept them. Such decisions, especially in a discipline-oriented atmosphere, could be extremely detrimental to children. Suppose you were told your whole life that Jewish people killed Jesus. How content will you be to sit in that audience listening to “Dreidel Dreidel”? Further, how can you show your dissent in a respectful way at an event that has compulsory attendance? Not attending will lead to disciplinary measures that could impact your ability to get into college, find your first job, etc. However, attending signals your affirmation of a belief that you do not hold. It’s these very situations that prevent the “celebrate everything” mentality from being valid, or practical.

The only practical response is to leave the religious expression out of the school system. In this way, nobody is excluded from the festivities, nobody is forced to make philosophical decisions, and nobody is forced to affirm a belief they don’t have.

In conclusion, it’s in diversity that we can learn about each other. The only celebration taking place in our school should be the celebration of diversity. Taking religious music from our schools isn’t a blow to culture, or a crime against God. It’s simply a measure to make sure that everyone can celebrate in his or her own way, and to allow everyone to celebrate without having their beliefs questioned. As with any revolution, there will be casualties. Activists like Bill Powell have already felt the sharp blade of common sense held by the strong arm of secular goals and equal opportunity. It’s only through turmoil we become stronger, and it’s only through controversy do we become smarter. I applaud the school district in making a move toward allowing its students to focus on academic betterment.
Joshua Ziering

I watched the debates tonight. Really, it just furthered my decision to vote Kerry/Edwards. Flew some planes today, worked on some planes today, avoided idiots drawn to my school. It’s hard to think I was just 500 or so meters from two really influential people in the world.

Joshua Ziering

Their is something beautiful about the little tragedies of life. They happen to us everyday and they go unnoticed. I’m starting to see them now, in full fledged bright light. They happen fast, but they’re something you can feel all day long. Sometimes they’re crimes against nature, other times it’s the spurning of self.

When I walk around, they seek me out. At first they made me feel guilty and low. Now I see them for what they are, beautiful downfalls.

Take for example a bird. He’s eating little berries that fell off a tree. When I walk by him briskly, he runs for his life. And in that instant as I saw this bird waddling away, I thought: “How unnatural.” Only later did it dawn on me how horrible it is to neglect a gift. That bird was blessed with flight. He neglected to use it. So what does this mean for me as an atheist? A student? A person? That bird ran away in spite of all his ancestors, only to spite himself. And when I saw that bird fly back over to his berries, it became clear to me that the only one you hurt is yourself.

Joshua Ziering