The Rise and Fall of a Giant Chalupa
Through some wrangling, I got in touch with a guy who works for the Phoenix Coyotes. Apparently, they needed a skilled pilot to fly an 8′ x 15′ Chalupa at the Phoenix Coyotes Hockey Games. In case you don’t know, because I didn’t, the Phoenix Coyotes are an NHL Hockey Team that play in Jobbing.com Arena in Phoenix.
When I asked him what kind of blimp it was, he said it wasn’t a traditional blimp, but a giant Chalupa. I knew that I had to fly this thing. I’ve flown a ton of stuff, planes, helis, rocket planes, but never a blimp. After all, it goes like 5 miles an hour, how hard could it be?
We met up at the arena for a practice session to find an answer to my question. In short, blimps are fucking hard to fly. I hate to even admit this, being the ‘hotshot’ pilot that I pretend to be, but I crashed a blimp. Somehow, I got backwards on the thrusters, and it started going down. So what does one do when a blimp starts to head down? More power. Little did I know I was just powering it downward even faster.
As this 15 pound behemoth starts barreling towards center ice, I add more power in a desperate attempt to arrest the sink rate. However, it was in vein. It thumped itself right into center ice, where they drop the puck. I tried to play it off like it was on purpose since it was placed so perfectly. I was hoping no one would figure it out, but alas, my friends wont let me live it down that I crashed a blimp.
I eventually got it down good enough to feel comfortable flying it at a game. So at the very first game I fly it, I let my friend Alex fly it the first two times. He did a good job, we dropped the little chalupa coupons and all was well with the world. While we were setting it up to fly a third time, Blimp boy comes down and says his boss just called him, “The President of Taco Bell is in the audience tonight, and he thinks the blimp looks sad and saggy. We have to fill it up with some more helium.” I very professionally told him that the blimp is flying fine and if we’re going to change anything we should wait until we’re done for the day.
My recommendations went unheard. They filled up the blimp with more helium, put it out on the ice, and stuffed the transmitter in my hands. As I start to fly it, I notice that it seems a little bit more … spry … than it was before. As I start to fly it over the audience, I notice that it is moving upward very keenly. I turn the thrusters down and start to add power. It keeps heading on up. I add some power. It keeps going up. I put the thrusters to full power. It keeps pulling a “Jeffersons” on me: Moving on up.
At this point, panic starts to set in: This 15 pound Chalupa was rapidly moving towards very, very hot high power Halogen lights. The kind of lights that could readily melt a hole in such a noble airship. I started to freak out, I rotated the thrusters in an effort to get it over the ice; maybe get it in some cold sinking air. I rotated the wrong way, and started to drive this Chalupa in a Mezzanine. I just barely managed to avoid hitting a balcony. I’m sure the people there felt the prop wash from this thing. It was CLOSE.
By the grace of God, Jesus, Budha, or some combination of the three, I managed to get this thing into a column of sinking air. It started coming down. I managed to get it over center ice, just like where I crashed it before. I didn’t even bother to fly it back, I just stuck it to the ice and did the walk of shame to go get it. I have not felt that kind of stress with a transmitter in my hand since I learned how to fly.
Oh, during this whole drama, I kept dropping the little free Chalupa coupons.
The definition of grace under pressure.
As I was walking out, blimp boy says to me, “By the way, that balcony you almost hit, That was the VIP Section. The CEO of Taco Bell was sitting in the very section.”
Me: “Tell him that was all for his benefit.”
Joshua Ziering
I went to go fly my Venus which I just shipped down from New Jersey. This plane was my pride and joy. I kind of pioneered a power setup for it, and did a lot of custom work on it. This was going to be the maiden flight with the new power setup, and a lot of new radio gear. Anyhow, the plane flew awesome. However, on landing, I managed to hit a small PVC safety pole with my right wing. … doing about 40mph. The fuselage was decimated, but the wing was just fine. I was freaking pissed. But whatever, Version 3 will be the best yet. You’d think I’d eventually figure out that this airplane and me just weren’t meant to be. Never! The Ironic part was two of the homies were there, and kept ribbing me how it’s built poorly, and will crash. I maintain that if you hit something after you land, it’s an accident, not a crash.
it twitched. Then a second later, the plane goes full power, rolling and diving into the woods. Crunch. Some ASS turned on his radio at the same time I had my radio on. Hence, total loss of control.
.